Sunday bloody Sunday....

short breath in....looooooooooooong breath out (aka: heavy sigh)

Was going be a good girl today and go to church.

But after the cursing of my flat tire it probably would of been quite hypocritical to fake away the anger and put on a "happy" face.

Praising God and thinking at the same time why the hell is a round wad of rubber $139.00? Geeez.

Oh i could buy the $89. tire if i want to have 3 and 1. Just like the Sesame street song..."one of these things just doesn't belong here, one of these things just isn't the same... now it's time to play our game."

Can you imagine my ride with an unmatched tire? Wow. What would the community say? She just couldn't keep up with the "goodyear" brand. Poor thing. Must have hit hard times.
Oh pleeeeaaase!

Actually if I had the $89 I would buy the single tire ( 'hard times'...nah) but instead I will ride the game of chance and hope the screw imbedded in my tire decides to hang around awhile.

Maybe I should name the dang screw. They say when you name something it stays around, becomes a permanent fixture (i.e. stray dog ("sparky"), stray cat ("fifi"), ex-husband ("as#*$&@#) Thank God that last one was not permanent.

Anyways...

Just buying time here...have to go get my hunk of metal with the irrepairable tire.

it's Quiz Night.....mmmmm Toasty!

it's Quiz Night.....mmmmm Toasty!

So this is who I am? This will really not humor even the closest of my friends but Im not feeling compelled to write tonight nor being overly eventful with my time. So let the roulette of web quizes predict my being. As if I can't figure out at all what COFFEE I AM? hmmm. never gave that one much thought. Of course they say you are what you eat (drink, too?) So technically i'm an Almond White Mocha...and a loaf of french bread. anyways...here are my latest life statistics based on someone more of a loser than me sitting in a cubicle somewhere in Des Moines, Iowa making up this stuff.

How You Live Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?
The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Greasy Belly Dancer. Where You Lived: Iran. How You Died: Natural causes.

You Are a Frappacino
At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern

At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent

You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet

Your caffeine addiction level: low

Your Birthdate: April 7

Born on the 7th day of month gives you a tendency to be something of a perfectionist and makes you more individualistic in many ways. Your mind is good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning. You are very psychic and sensitive, and you should usually follow your hunches. You may not take orders too well, so you may want to work alone or in a situation where you can be the boss. This birthday gives a tendency to be somewhat self-centered and a little stubborn.

What Year Were You Born Under?

You Were Actually Born Under:

Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away. You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others. You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships. Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations. You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Delicate, timid, and attractive - sometimes you really do act like a bunny. You're very compassionate and protective of those you love, sometimes too protective. Your home is really your castle, and you make sure your home is comfortable and well furnished. You don't like to argue - and you prefer a quiet, peaceful life. You are most compatible with a Goat or a Pig.

Today I became a non-believer....

Today i realized bad things happens when it rains.
Today i learned a very painful lesson.
Today i haven't hurt this much since when my mom died...
Today is dark
I want today to be gone........

There is a little animal in all of us.

AGING...ack!

Hmmm. What to type. I could do the typical gabbing (complaining) how I have issues with growing old, that i'm convinced that the word gravity falls under one of the satanic terms. My only hope is to walk on my hands defending my womanly figure. That life is a comedian reminding us of what we DON'T have control over. My luck having to work at a University where every day i see what i use to be. A youthful, firm girl with no clue of what is ahead of me. Not knowing that her body is due for a change for the worse. That not only do you lose elasticity but your hair requires a multitude of "body building" products to give that "LOOK" of fullness. You gradually lose sight of your feet and your mirror grows shorter. It's just long enough to see yourself from the shoulders up ignoring what's happening from the chest down.

Which on a side note, would explain why so many overweight people walk out of the house wearing spandex thinking that it's tucking and hiding the flab. That they are convinced big is beautiful and need to share it with the world. When instead, they are painfully BLINDING the public leaving so many asking "why" "what were you thinking?" And um, "thanks for sharing????"...NOT! Welcome to the land of the free. Free to be an idiot! Sorry, had to have a vent moment. I think there should be a law for all clothing stores NOT to sell undersized (if that is a word) clothing to oversized people.

Yes it sucks being out of shape, losing your hair...but hope is that your eyesight will grow weak and you won't have to see any of it. HA!!! AND, if you can get to that "over 70" mark then you can blame everything on age. Laughing back at life!

In all seriousness; I love me overall. I have things to work on but i'm not stressing over it. Am i happy that i'm aging; yes and no --physically no but mentally yes. Age brings experiences, memories, wisdom something that "youth and firmness" will not bring.

So get that full length mirror back and smile at yourself, check your closet for all spandex items and dispose of properly and for God's sake laugh with life and at yourself. Because Dang it! somethings you can't change!

Now if I can just practice what i preach

LABOR DAY

Government definition of labor day. http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/laborday.htm

And yet business booms with "LABOR DAY" sales. Most people view it as just a day to get off work. It could be gopher day, recycle day, my evil 2nd cousin twice removed finally moved out of the house day. Does anyone truly care what kind of day it is as long it's not a "sick or vacation" day they have to take?

Have we lost the meaning of "HOLIDAYS." Yea, i think so. I have. At this point Labor day could mean a woman giving birth. After all, having a baby is work in itself. So cheers to the mothers and their newborns today? Why not. And Happy Sky is Blue day, Happy I'm Alive day, Happy "FILL in the Blank" day!!!

OH HAPPY DAY....

WHAT IS LONELINESS?

This is definetly cheaper than therapy, i am convinced! Have we ever stopped and really thought about what Loneliness is? What makes us lonely. Have you noticed the word ONE is in lONEly..hm. Coincidence? However mONEy also has the word ONE in it. Hm. So ultimately Money and Loneliness leaves us with ONE. Ourselves...oh sigh! That could be good and bad.

So. What makes us lonely. Well, being without others I assume. However, if you are content with yourself then i would think loneliness seldoms rears it's ugly head. Although i find at times having people (friends) in my life I still am stricken with the big "L" word. There is a feeling of emptiness...a longing to be needed, to be loved, to be comforted, to be important in someone's life. To matter, to be the ONE in their life/lives.

Different scenarios bring up this ugly creature. When you are sick. I know when i feel sick ultimately i want my mom. That nurturing person to hold me and let me be a kid again. Allow me to not worry about the responsibilities i have as an adult, to release all burdens and just be held. So Mom isn't around and i reach for my best friend. Who has his own life. Who is meeting deadlines and doesn't easily stomach the weak, the whining. I wish he could understand i don't want to be strong and i want to cry. And i want him to be the one to hold me and let me do so. I get tired sometimes. And it is no ones problem but mine. But without judging without evil words just hold me in silence. Touch my head, squeeze my hand and let me release everything that is bringing me down. Maybe it's the feeling of being safe as we did when we would go to bed at night knowing mom and dad were a few bedrooms away. That although they were not comic book heroes and couldn't stop a bullet we just always new we were safe.

Now i'm a mom and i'm not to feel those feelings of long ago? I sit in a house that stares coldly back at me. I am surrounded by furry friends that lack harmony and a daughter who stays behind a closed door and then comes out to say goodnight.

i will finish this later....