Poison!

Momma named me Poison. Said I'd never amount to anything good. Said she'd have aborted if she could.

One time I asked her "momma, why do birds fly?" ...."To get away from you child!"

Never a time did she smile with me. I was a reminder of what she couldn't be.
It was 10 years back she walked alone from her second job to home.

But never made it pass the night. A towering image blocked her sight.

Screams linger on, like she does when she sleeps.

Through me her haunting memories keep...

Anxiety...

Anxiety is a drug in itself
creeping within your veins
pumping the blood...

acid rain pounding on your heart
beating it down

down to the soul
of anger...
of fear..
of all evil that's near

rape...

the light went out of my mind
my days turned into wine

my soul is outside in
my heart lies in sin

help me escape
this suicidal rape

Imaginary state...

Dream to face reality
Awaken to die

Tears of the heart
Blood drops from your eyes

Centered in a circle
Beginning at the end

Your soul is of powder
Inhaled by the wind

Grasp in your blindness
Cry in your fate

No one to see you
In your imaginary state

DREAM

I dream of a day
when this world will spin away & will just fall off.

No where... who cares!

There will be no dark, no light, no sound
For once I just might...

HEAR MYSELF!
and have learned what it was
I had needed to survive.

2007

Rip my heart & consume it in slow, small bites like the way you
abused it!

Savor the pain it has marinated in. It should be full of flavor.

Licked time & time again by the words from your faceless tongue!

10/29/07

TIRED

I want to run away

Escape this world

I’m tired!

I try to live

To fit in

Pretend

I imitate

Feed off people

Give them what they want

I don’t even know what I want

Nothing is permanent in my world

A smile

A hug

A kind gesture

Gone!

There is nothing tangible

Only quick fixes to lifelong problems

Who am I?

Why am I here?

Who cares that I’m here?

My family.

But when I’m gone

They will live on

It will be a short grievance

With memories to hold

Selfish?

Maybe

But we all are

Making decisions based on

What is best for “me”

We do it everyday

So if I choose death

Is that not any different?

Getting coffee, going to work

Choices!

We are all entitled to them

And so I go?

Weak and ignorant

Backing down

defeated

Where will I end up?

In a peaceful state?

A euphoric plateau?

Soaring above anguish, despair

Laughing at them all

Who choose to stay

Grinding there hearts into dust

There minds of clay

Ever being molded to fit society

Never knowing why

Just trying to keep up with all the others

Who are trying to keep up with whom?

The vicious circle

Gnawing at the rounded walls to

Escape where?

Where exactly?

Feeling lost

Alone

And tired

Tired of being.

And trying to figure out why to be...

I will know...

All though we’ve never met
I’ve always thought of you
and with that said…

I know you more than myself.
I’ve replayed the sound of your voice
many times
I know it sounds absurd,
but it’s soothes my mind.

And you don’t realize this yet
but our hands fit just right
& we don’t have to say a word
when we kiss goodnight.

Then there’s that grin
it matches your smiling eyes.
And well, I smile right back at you
and cry…

Because you know, love does that to you.
It tears at your heart strings
and you wouldn’t trade that feeling
for anything.

So I’ll wait forever;
for that day when we meet.
Perhaps in a café or on a busy street.

In a book store reading poetry
by Robert Frost and you thumbing through
travel books looking somewhat lost.

I will know!
I will know that finally
those eyes I’ve only dreamed about
will gaze into mine
and it’s time…

Time to let go.
I don’t have to miss you anymore
because now I have you.
And well, that’s what my forever is for…