Valentine's Day....

To some better known as “VD”; a horrific disease awaiting attack on the lonely, the without, the pathetic souls who have “NO ONE”.

A higher risk in women!

This disease promotes sickness when exposed (from a distance) to fuzzy teddy bears, handmade hearts, perfect long stem roses, jewelry of any kind and any thing with the color of pink or red!

Love songs can cause a trip to the emergency room!

Other side effects:

When reminded by other females with their evil bragging of “OH MY GOD LOOK WHAT BIFF BOUGHT ME” or “ROSES FOR ME???.....AWWWWW” …

VOMITING WILL OCCUR!

Commercials promoting perfectly fit women wearing VD attire…reminding you why your last boyfriend dumped you will cause indulgence of ice cream with ruffles potato chips.

AGAIN, VOMITING WILL OCCUR!

VD has a reverse affect on men.

To those less sentimental men who have “NO ONE”, it is like Monday night football! It’s a party! No commitment, no expenses…freedom reigns! Clear of all VD!

To less fortunate men with that “sweetheart” in their lives it is a struggle.

Some view it as merely a marketing strategy for candy, flowers and card companies.

And, a way to screw MAN!

They find themselves rationalizing. Saying things like:

“But honey I love you EVERYDAY, isn’t that enough?”

And there is the DO & DON’T DO LIST:

Do buy FOOFY things. (What ever that means)

Don’t buy kitchen appliances or a drill!

If buying flowers, DO have them sent to work from flower shop.

Don’t buy mixed flowers at grocery store!

Side effects:

Despair, hatred…the urge to be single again.

And at last the lucky few who do not suffer VD but enjoy what is known as Valentine’s Day. A day of love.

Ah….Mi Amor.

Time standing still while love flourishes in each other’s eyes.

Spending the day walking on the sand or in the park.

Staying in bed and holding that special someone that makes your heart skip a beat.

Being reminded this is the person of your dreams. Your future. Your forever.

Taking a day out of your busy life to remember what that person means to you.

Maybe you just don’t tell them enough and Valentine’s Day allows you to stop and remind them.

It is more than flowers, dinner, candy and an “I love you” card. It is an expression of romance, happiness, and true love.

I find it hard to see past the VD…BUT I am a romantic and have a sentimental heart.

I somehow have managed to escape most side effects of VD. I have only minor loneliness and mild heartache.

I find Valentine’s Day as well… just another day!

However, I wish those who have someone Happy Valentine’s Day and for those who don’t…stay in bed.

Remember it only lasts a day!

My friends...

After midnight and I'm with my friends.
Oh they are quite amusing.
Annoying at times.
But I realized that no matter what...
They are always with me.

They never complain.
Although occasionally they bicker about little things.
They accept me for who I am. And what I am not.
If I make mistakes they look past them.
All they require is my love and attention.
That is a simple request for all the happiness they bring into my life.

When I am lonely, like tonight, I turn around and there they are.
They just wait to hear me say their names and an overwhelming energy takes over.
It's as if all they waited for all day was for me!
What a special feeling.

Perhaps I leave them too much.
For I know they will never leave me until death prevails.
They allow me to cry.
They don't require guidelines for our friendship.
And too often I take them for granted and they still have happy hearts.
It is an unconditional love.


So here is to my friends:

Although you walk on all fours and wear a coat of fur.
And barking is your language instead of speaking words.
I will never forget our friendship and the memories left to live.
Nor the love, peace, smiles and happiness that you give!

I love you Pica, Bentley, Lilly, Sarah & my visitor Mia.

Day two: RAIN

Day two: RAIN. The ever soothing, peaceful, stay in bed sound mother nature offers to humans.
Yes Mother nature is quite a comedian!

Hence my jumping out of bed an hour late and cursing the sky that spits out these drops of "do I have to go to work?" rain.

What could be considered an aphrodisiac to the mind turns into a cyanide pill as I drive like a mad woman through pockets of water, adjusting the windshield wipers to the inconsistency of downpour on my window.

And do people simply not care that I have to be somewhere?
You would think they were snatched by Aliens the night before and hypnotized to stop functioning at the sight of rain!!!!

Anyways...
all this talk is making me thirsty.

Until tomorrow. Just be you!!!

my morning "blog"

OK......So what now? I've broke from the orbiting words of the blog world.

I need motivation and 3 cups of coffee has not helped. Nor has 3 hours of sleep!

I feel like i'm jumping into a moving vehicle.

It doesn't look pretty!

And why again do falling cats land on their feet???

Just seeing if you were paying attention.

I guess i can call this my morning "blog" (aka: 'JOG' for the mind)

And folks i'm out of breath already.

So pathetic as it seems....

I'm ending my run on words and will attempt this again tomorrow!

Life is a Novel...

Funny how life is ongoing but there are so many beginnings and ends to it.

We each have our own novel filled with chapters; some comical needing only a crayon to fill the pages. Others are well…more serious requiring every adjective known to man to attempt to describe your innards.

Yep, innards and I don’t mean your liver or lungs. How do you describe a feeling that only you experience? Everyone goes through the same traumas of life however we are each unique and only within ourselves can a feeling exist.

I can love someone and him love me but will he ever know the true love I have inside. Or what about when a loved one dies? Sure, everyone goes through it but will they ever know your personal anguish. Hmm, one person might pass out from a hang nail and another person performs open heart surgery. We all handle things in our own unique way.

So the chapter you work so hard to find the words for is the one that best represents the end of your book. It’s the one where you feel you can’t go on. That life has shot a poisonous arrow through your heart and the pain is unbearable.

You have to wake up early every morning just to paint a smile on your face like some pathetic clown. You go through the motions. It becomes a chore to have to get dressed. You’d prefer to wear your bed comforter; turning the a/c on 60 and hibernating.

The hair on your head hurts and is only a minute reflection of what is going on inside. You look towards comfort things like food. You walk to the fridge a hundreds times thinking the food fairy came in between intervals. Only to find the same jar of pickles and a half gallon of milk that expired a week ago.

You consider dread locks because having to wash your hair is like having to shoot your childhood pet. You are convinced you have NO friends and strike up conversations with the telemarketers whom won’t let you sleep during the day. What is caller ID again?

This could be the time when you’ve lost your job and have no savings account but have enough credit card bills to erect a one bedroom apartment. It could be news of a friend getting married. Ah, always the brides maid but never the bride.

Or here’s a good one. The one you love leaves you. The problem is you gave your heart to him/her and you really can’t survive with out it. So you become cold (due to the um…lack of heart) and pronounce yourself dead to the world.

You go from imitating an irritable infant to Mel Gibson on Braveheart. You have decided you will conquer. However anger prevails and suddenly you’ve become the spawn of Satan hating all breathing things.

And then finally, when you realize you aren’t going to die anytime soon from all this pain and you really don’t have murderous tendencies; the tears begin to flow for 40 days and 40 nights. Ah the extremes.

So your chapter will end with no happy endings. Then suddenly you find a job 5 miles from your house paying twice as much. Your friend that got married is filing for divorce. And, just when you think you can’t love again…you bump into him/her at your favorite coffee shop, or both are reading the same book at Barnes and Nobles.

And again, another chapter is in the works. I am convinced we all have happy endings to our lives. It’s just convincing ourselves that we can survive the pages in between!

Sunday bloody Sunday....

short breath in....looooooooooooong breath out (aka: heavy sigh)

Was going be a good girl today and go to church.

But after the cursing of my flat tire it probably would of been quite hypocritical to fake away the anger and put on a "happy" face.

Praising God and thinking at the same time why the hell is a round wad of rubber $139.00? Geeez.

Oh i could buy the $89. tire if i want to have 3 and 1. Just like the Sesame street song..."one of these things just doesn't belong here, one of these things just isn't the same... now it's time to play our game."

Can you imagine my ride with an unmatched tire? Wow. What would the community say? She just couldn't keep up with the "goodyear" brand. Poor thing. Must have hit hard times.
Oh pleeeeaaase!

Actually if I had the $89 I would buy the single tire ( 'hard times'...nah) but instead I will ride the game of chance and hope the screw imbedded in my tire decides to hang around awhile.

Maybe I should name the dang screw. They say when you name something it stays around, becomes a permanent fixture (i.e. stray dog ("sparky"), stray cat ("fifi"), ex-husband ("as#*$&@#) Thank God that last one was not permanent.

Anyways...

Just buying time here...have to go get my hunk of metal with the irrepairable tire.

it's Quiz Night.....mmmmm Toasty!

it's Quiz Night.....mmmmm Toasty!

So this is who I am? This will really not humor even the closest of my friends but Im not feeling compelled to write tonight nor being overly eventful with my time. So let the roulette of web quizes predict my being. As if I can't figure out at all what COFFEE I AM? hmmm. never gave that one much thought. Of course they say you are what you eat (drink, too?) So technically i'm an Almond White Mocha...and a loaf of french bread. anyways...here are my latest life statistics based on someone more of a loser than me sitting in a cubicle somewhere in Des Moines, Iowa making up this stuff.

How You Live Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?
The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Greasy Belly Dancer. Where You Lived: Iran. How You Died: Natural causes.

You Are a Frappacino
At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern

At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent

You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet

Your caffeine addiction level: low

Your Birthdate: April 7

Born on the 7th day of month gives you a tendency to be something of a perfectionist and makes you more individualistic in many ways. Your mind is good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning. You are very psychic and sensitive, and you should usually follow your hunches. You may not take orders too well, so you may want to work alone or in a situation where you can be the boss. This birthday gives a tendency to be somewhat self-centered and a little stubborn.

What Year Were You Born Under?

You Were Actually Born Under:

Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away. You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others. You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships. Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations. You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Delicate, timid, and attractive - sometimes you really do act like a bunny. You're very compassionate and protective of those you love, sometimes too protective. Your home is really your castle, and you make sure your home is comfortable and well furnished. You don't like to argue - and you prefer a quiet, peaceful life. You are most compatible with a Goat or a Pig.

Today I became a non-believer....

Today i realized bad things happens when it rains.
Today i learned a very painful lesson.
Today i haven't hurt this much since when my mom died...
Today is dark
I want today to be gone........

There is a little animal in all of us.

AGING...ack!

Hmmm. What to type. I could do the typical gabbing (complaining) how I have issues with growing old, that i'm convinced that the word gravity falls under one of the satanic terms. My only hope is to walk on my hands defending my womanly figure. That life is a comedian reminding us of what we DON'T have control over. My luck having to work at a University where every day i see what i use to be. A youthful, firm girl with no clue of what is ahead of me. Not knowing that her body is due for a change for the worse. That not only do you lose elasticity but your hair requires a multitude of "body building" products to give that "LOOK" of fullness. You gradually lose sight of your feet and your mirror grows shorter. It's just long enough to see yourself from the shoulders up ignoring what's happening from the chest down.

Which on a side note, would explain why so many overweight people walk out of the house wearing spandex thinking that it's tucking and hiding the flab. That they are convinced big is beautiful and need to share it with the world. When instead, they are painfully BLINDING the public leaving so many asking "why" "what were you thinking?" And um, "thanks for sharing????"...NOT! Welcome to the land of the free. Free to be an idiot! Sorry, had to have a vent moment. I think there should be a law for all clothing stores NOT to sell undersized (if that is a word) clothing to oversized people.

Yes it sucks being out of shape, losing your hair...but hope is that your eyesight will grow weak and you won't have to see any of it. HA!!! AND, if you can get to that "over 70" mark then you can blame everything on age. Laughing back at life!

In all seriousness; I love me overall. I have things to work on but i'm not stressing over it. Am i happy that i'm aging; yes and no --physically no but mentally yes. Age brings experiences, memories, wisdom something that "youth and firmness" will not bring.

So get that full length mirror back and smile at yourself, check your closet for all spandex items and dispose of properly and for God's sake laugh with life and at yourself. Because Dang it! somethings you can't change!

Now if I can just practice what i preach

LABOR DAY

Government definition of labor day. http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/laborday.htm

And yet business booms with "LABOR DAY" sales. Most people view it as just a day to get off work. It could be gopher day, recycle day, my evil 2nd cousin twice removed finally moved out of the house day. Does anyone truly care what kind of day it is as long it's not a "sick or vacation" day they have to take?

Have we lost the meaning of "HOLIDAYS." Yea, i think so. I have. At this point Labor day could mean a woman giving birth. After all, having a baby is work in itself. So cheers to the mothers and their newborns today? Why not. And Happy Sky is Blue day, Happy I'm Alive day, Happy "FILL in the Blank" day!!!

OH HAPPY DAY....

WHAT IS LONELINESS?

This is definetly cheaper than therapy, i am convinced! Have we ever stopped and really thought about what Loneliness is? What makes us lonely. Have you noticed the word ONE is in lONEly..hm. Coincidence? However mONEy also has the word ONE in it. Hm. So ultimately Money and Loneliness leaves us with ONE. Ourselves...oh sigh! That could be good and bad.

So. What makes us lonely. Well, being without others I assume. However, if you are content with yourself then i would think loneliness seldoms rears it's ugly head. Although i find at times having people (friends) in my life I still am stricken with the big "L" word. There is a feeling of emptiness...a longing to be needed, to be loved, to be comforted, to be important in someone's life. To matter, to be the ONE in their life/lives.

Different scenarios bring up this ugly creature. When you are sick. I know when i feel sick ultimately i want my mom. That nurturing person to hold me and let me be a kid again. Allow me to not worry about the responsibilities i have as an adult, to release all burdens and just be held. So Mom isn't around and i reach for my best friend. Who has his own life. Who is meeting deadlines and doesn't easily stomach the weak, the whining. I wish he could understand i don't want to be strong and i want to cry. And i want him to be the one to hold me and let me do so. I get tired sometimes. And it is no ones problem but mine. But without judging without evil words just hold me in silence. Touch my head, squeeze my hand and let me release everything that is bringing me down. Maybe it's the feeling of being safe as we did when we would go to bed at night knowing mom and dad were a few bedrooms away. That although they were not comic book heroes and couldn't stop a bullet we just always new we were safe.

Now i'm a mom and i'm not to feel those feelings of long ago? I sit in a house that stares coldly back at me. I am surrounded by furry friends that lack harmony and a daughter who stays behind a closed door and then comes out to say goodnight.

i will finish this later....

Is there hope for the hopeless?

Sometimes i feel so trapped, so confined...smothered with all my wrongs! I want to turn myself inside out. Turn the wrong inside and bring the right out. Wow, that doesn't make sense. But oddly it does to me. I sometimes long to be alone surrounded with strangers and at times i need soo much affection but can't stand to be touched! I am confusing like a foreign film with no subtitles. The only thing i long for at times is a quiet room with an old show from the 80's on; a cold sheet surrounding my body and the ceiling fan blowing. And it wouldn't be complete without a bowl of chicken and stars soup. I miss my mom. She died in 1991 at age 47. Guess the soup reminded me of that. Hmmm. Odd how smells stir up memories. There is a certain lotion i smell and it always reminds me of when i would lay my head on my mom's chest as she went back and forth in the rocking chair. She would be talking with a neighbor who came to visit or on the phone. I loved the vibration of her voice echoing through my head. I found peace at that moment. Unfortunately the echoing changed from her generic conversations to "YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!" Wow...
talking about spoiling a childhood memory.

ANYways. Not having a good night tonight. I am surrounded with love but feel mostly like crying.
yea yea poor me...NOT. no pity-potty. i've nothing to gain nor does anyone owe me a shoulder to cry on...


Just going through time on an endless watch...

INTERVENTION...

hmmmm...there are just some sounds you can't spell. .

So last night was an "INTERVENTION" as best defined in webster's dictionary. Let's just say that water retention is not an issue! That "Katrina" has nothing on me! Shakespeare would have been inspired. Target practice now seems so juvenile. Well you get the point! Could i have predicted the outcome. Probably. As always the end is flooded with "I'm suh, saah....suha...wreee" and me saying "breath!" in through the nose out through the mouth. I really should have entered the medical field. Ha..i made a funny!

Will things be better from here? Ah, this i can NOT predict. Oh i wish i could. If we could all hold the answer to our outcomes; well, we wouldn't take chances now would we?!
And life is about chance! Predictability is not part of REAL life's equation.

So how do i feel as of now? I feel drained. I feel like i have failed. I am disgusted with "this person's behavior". I am humiliated; ashamed. i want to start up that hippie camp i talked about years ago. Living off the land, running around in homemade attire and singing "i'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony"....screeeetch (halt) - shaving with corn cobs? killing "bambi" with my own hands? bathing in fish poo? WOW...good morning suburbia

So that's it...i've managed to give the layout of my night without any REAL details. Man i'm good. I do want to say i love my bestfriend for being there for us. Through all the drama (which he HATES) and spells of boredom he hung in there. We needed the "in-between" guy and he pulled through!

so on a side note...as much as i HATE to be a HATER...i'm feeling the HATE TODAY. my work peeps are well...you know what- NOT WORTH WRITING ABOUT! Although if you read a sign that had "come in and win a mini ipod"...would you think you've already won? What tha' heck. What does WIN mean. And are you that stupid to think you've already won. Ok...venting moment.

Much love!

Lose a tree; gain a building and landscape!