Ate a bug... (To my Tiff & Izzy)

I ate a bug that took me there
I flew around, I had no hair

I sucked on leaves & berries too
which took me straight here to you.

Sweetness rich and ripe with love
suddenly I was a wingless dove.

You took me in and nurtured me.
I stole you blind now you can't see.

Yet I no wings to comfort you
I cried so hard i turned to blue.

So blue i turned into the skies
And there I found a pair of eyes.

Gathering my clouds, i rained them down
But I missed and hit the ground.

They bounced up and hit a tree
And boomeranged right back to me.

Hit so hard I avalanched
Rolled down a hill onto a ranch.

Into some mud I began to squeal
"A four eyed-pig, this can't be real?"

The farmer screamed, than laughed at me
I closed my eyes and there I be.

On the stage with ribbon of blue
Award winning pig? A dream come true?

Of course not how could i be a winner
When i found myself being someones dinner?

Yet a gust of wind blew me away
Finding me back to yesterday

i awoke with an appetite
A head of hair, two eyes for sight

Gazing at the skies of blue
I squealed "Don't let this dream come true!"


written: August, 1991

Poison!

Momma named me Poison. Said I'd never amount to anything good. Said she'd have aborted if she could.

One time I asked her "momma, why do birds fly?" ...."To get away from you child!"

Never a time did she smile with me. I was a reminder of what she couldn't be.
It was 10 years back she walked alone from her second job to home.

But never made it pass the night. A towering image blocked her sight.

Screams linger on, like she does when she sleeps.

Through me her haunting memories keep...

Anxiety...

Anxiety is a drug in itself
creeping within your veins
pumping the blood...

acid rain pounding on your heart
beating it down

down to the soul
of anger...
of fear..
of all evil that's near

rape...

the light went out of my mind
my days turned into wine

my soul is outside in
my heart lies in sin

help me escape
this suicidal rape

Imaginary state...

Dream to face reality
Awaken to die

Tears of the heart
Blood drops from your eyes

Centered in a circle
Beginning at the end

Your soul is of powder
Inhaled by the wind

Grasp in your blindness
Cry in your fate

No one to see you
In your imaginary state

DREAM

I dream of a day
when this world will spin away & will just fall off.

No where... who cares!

There will be no dark, no light, no sound
For once I just might...

HEAR MYSELF!
and have learned what it was
I had needed to survive.

2007

Rip my heart & consume it in slow, small bites like the way you
abused it!

Savor the pain it has marinated in. It should be full of flavor.

Licked time & time again by the words from your faceless tongue!

10/29/07

TIRED

I want to run away

Escape this world

I’m tired!

I try to live

To fit in

Pretend

I imitate

Feed off people

Give them what they want

I don’t even know what I want

Nothing is permanent in my world

A smile

A hug

A kind gesture

Gone!

There is nothing tangible

Only quick fixes to lifelong problems

Who am I?

Why am I here?

Who cares that I’m here?

My family.

But when I’m gone

They will live on

It will be a short grievance

With memories to hold

Selfish?

Maybe

But we all are

Making decisions based on

What is best for “me”

We do it everyday

So if I choose death

Is that not any different?

Getting coffee, going to work

Choices!

We are all entitled to them

And so I go?

Weak and ignorant

Backing down

defeated

Where will I end up?

In a peaceful state?

A euphoric plateau?

Soaring above anguish, despair

Laughing at them all

Who choose to stay

Grinding there hearts into dust

There minds of clay

Ever being molded to fit society

Never knowing why

Just trying to keep up with all the others

Who are trying to keep up with whom?

The vicious circle

Gnawing at the rounded walls to

Escape where?

Where exactly?

Feeling lost

Alone

And tired

Tired of being.

And trying to figure out why to be...

I will know...

All though we’ve never met
I’ve always thought of you
and with that said…

I know you more than myself.
I’ve replayed the sound of your voice
many times
I know it sounds absurd,
but it’s soothes my mind.

And you don’t realize this yet
but our hands fit just right
& we don’t have to say a word
when we kiss goodnight.

Then there’s that grin
it matches your smiling eyes.
And well, I smile right back at you
and cry…

Because you know, love does that to you.
It tears at your heart strings
and you wouldn’t trade that feeling
for anything.

So I’ll wait forever;
for that day when we meet.
Perhaps in a café or on a busy street.

In a book store reading poetry
by Robert Frost and you thumbing through
travel books looking somewhat lost.

I will know!
I will know that finally
those eyes I’ve only dreamed about
will gaze into mine
and it’s time…

Time to let go.
I don’t have to miss you anymore
because now I have you.
And well, that’s what my forever is for…

it's time...

i figure over a year was enough to find something to write about..
so guess i'l pull out the pods of info from my stubborn thoughts and do a new post soon... or later.

peace!

Dusting off the poetry book...

Ah first entry written in 1985.

It is amazing to look back and see how your perspective on life changes over the years.
How LOVE was life or death and now it is just a bonus if you experience it.

How a tree symbolized your life; rooted in earth's ground. And now, its summer color depicts envy and its branches death's arms.

Either it is the innocence that has faded or insanity prevailing. Either way I have decided to share some not so well written poems (thoughts, venting sessions.)

Happy reading!



Wish you were here yesterday,
For tomorrow I would of said
Today i will be there always
Don't go away.
_____________

i dreamed of you in reality
and it scared me for you were
no longer in my thoughts
just a shadow in my arms.
_____________
to be your love, i would desire no more of you than your secret dreams
to be a rose, perhaps a prick of my thorn in remembrance
to be a thought, only to take possession of your mind
to be a sculpture, so you can not feel the warmth of me
only the obsession burning in your soul.

_____________
could i begin to walk
without standing first?
or crave a drink
not knowing of thirst?

would hearts be broken
if love was not there?
if equality was a law
would life be fair?

the ocean and sky exchange
they would still be blue.
No false words ever said.
Lies would be true.

If poverty meant food
than all would be fed.
the air become novels?
all books would be read.

give you a dollar
and you give me ten.
to someone you would give
it back again.

if lights were black
why turn them on?
if dreaming was death
we would all be gone.
_____________
for every tear that fall
a smile is created
how true i
drown in my happiness
_____________

ending times of memories
erasing thoughts of future
swallowed by the use-to-be's

nightmares alive in mind
haunting this life
dreams far behind

tears of cold blood
pouring in the well of pain
there is no one to love

infected by unhappiness
errors of a lifetime
does no one have forgiveness?

i would sell my soul, yes!
if answers could be bought.
to my questions i address.

damn those who won't understand
when death comes to me
from this in my hand.

i....

i.
don't.
know.
anymore than now...

i.
can't.
live.
cuz i don't know how tooo....



take it....i break everything i touch.
make it...real isn't real enough.

oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
someone show me.

hold
me
wipe away
the pain
that stays
that lingers
in my
brain

i
sleep
away
my thoughts
my
dreams
forgot

i.
can't.
breath.
it hurts my soul.

help me.
someone show me.

gobble gobble.

The room is turning inside out twisting turkey into mashed potatoes!
The stuffing is cramming the streusel pumpkin cake into corners of my salivating lips!

Rolls with butter, rolls of laughter!
I scream creamed spinach.
Innocent lil' deviled eggs...never had a chance with the teen cackleberry lover!

Ah sweet day...
ah sweet tea!

All spent with friends and family!

HAPPY GOBBLE DAY!