Funny how life is ongoing but there are so many beginnings and ends to it.
We each have our own novel filled with chapters; some comical needing only a crayon to fill the pages. Others are well…more serious requiring every adjective known to man to attempt to describe your innards.
Yep, innards and I don’t mean your liver or lungs. How do you describe a feeling that only you experience? Everyone goes through the same traumas of life however we are each unique and only within ourselves can a feeling exist.
I can love someone and him love me but will he ever know the true love I have inside. Or what about when a loved one dies? Sure, everyone goes through it but will they ever know your personal anguish. Hmm, one person might pass out from a hang nail and another person performs open heart surgery. We all handle things in our own unique way.
So the chapter you work so hard to find the words for is the one that best represents the end of your book. It’s the one where you feel you can’t go on. That life has shot a poisonous arrow through your heart and the pain is unbearable.
You have to wake up early every morning just to paint a smile on your face like some pathetic clown. You go through the motions. It becomes a chore to have to get dressed. You’d prefer to wear your bed comforter; turning the a/c on 60 and hibernating.
The hair on your head hurts and is only a minute reflection of what is going on inside. You look towards comfort things like food. You walk to the fridge a hundreds times thinking the food fairy came in between intervals. Only to find the same jar of pickles and a half gallon of milk that expired a week ago.
You consider dread locks because having to wash your hair is like having to shoot your childhood pet. You are convinced you have NO friends and strike up conversations with the telemarketers whom won’t let you sleep during the day. What is caller ID again?
This could be the time when you’ve lost your job and have no savings account but have enough credit card bills to erect a one bedroom apartment. It could be news of a friend getting married. Ah, always the brides maid but never the bride.
Or here’s a good one. The one you love leaves you. The problem is you gave your heart to him/her and you really can’t survive with out it. So you become cold (due to the um…lack of heart) and pronounce yourself dead to the world.
You go from imitating an irritable infant to Mel Gibson on Braveheart. You have decided you will conquer. However anger prevails and suddenly you’ve become the spawn of Satan hating all breathing things.
And then finally, when you realize you aren’t going to die anytime soon from all this pain and you really don’t have murderous tendencies; the tears begin to flow for 40 days and 40 nights. Ah the extremes.
So your chapter will end with no happy endings. Then suddenly you find a job 5 miles from your house paying twice as much. Your friend that got married is filing for divorce. And, just when you think you can’t love again…you bump into him/her at your favorite coffee shop, or both are reading the same book at Barnes and Nobles.
And again, another chapter is in the works. I am convinced we all have happy endings to our lives. It’s just convincing ourselves that we can survive the pages in between!
